Alias An Alternate Ending
by Lord Remus Asriel Lupin
Summary: A funny and insane jab at Alias.


**Alias – An Alternate Ending**

**A/N: **This is my first Alias fanfiction. I have ever published. It's insane and that's the way I want it to be ;) Please R & R!!!!!!! _Disclaimer:_ _I do not own Alias, or any of its characters._

**Character Bio:**

Richard Mackenzie: HATES SLOANE, BUT LOVES SARK. Always eats nasi lemak peanuts. Has a dream of opening Mackenzie International, and earning lots of money.

Artemis Black: Is in love with Einstein. Always plays hooky and has the excuse of being sick with allergic rhinitis. This, however, has never been proven.

Belle: LOVES TEM FOLTON (ACTOR OF DRACA MOLFOY IN THE POPULAR PARRY HOTTER SERIES). Also loves to eat nasi lemak, but never eats the peanuts as it gives her skin allergies.

**Mongolia**

Sloane uses a shepherd's crook to lead a flock of sheep into Rambaldi's tomb. He leaves them on the river bank and pats a sheep's head happily. Then, he puts The Horizon on the tomb. It starts to spin and glow. He claps his hands happily and for no reason starts jumping up and down non-stop. Sydney and Nadia jump out of the river in spy gear and holding M-16s, scaring the sheep.

Both in unison: Put your hands up in the air. Do it NOW!!!!!!!

Sloane waves at them like and continues to jump and act like a hyperactive toddler.

Sydney: He's lost it.

Sloane: So where do I find it?

Nadia: Dad, stop it! You're embarrassing me.

Jack, Vaughn and Sark climb down. Vaughn runs to the sheep.

Vaughn: Look at the cute sheep!!!!!

Sydney (looks embarrassed by her fiancé's behaviour): Dad, Sloane's lost it.

Jack: When has he actually been sane?

Sark: Don't call my baby insane!!!!

Everyone: EW!!!!

Nadia: Does that mean I have two fathers? Why are my parents always evil people?

One of the sheep bites Vaughn's fingers. He starts crying and sucking his thumb.

Sydney: Vaughn!!!!! My baby, don't cry. It's just a scratch.

Sloane: MY SHEEP!!!!!!

Jack: Arvin, stop acting like a fool.

Sloane (Still jumping): Shut up, Jack. You don't want me to shoot you. Wait, I _am_ supposed to shoot you, I forgot.

Jack goes down on his knees and begs for mercy.

Nadia: Dad, why are you acting like a lunatic? I know you are too smart to be one. Is this part of Rambaldi's endgame?

Sydney: Didn't you know? Einstein was a blubbering insane lunatic.

Belle, Artemis Black and Richard Mackenzie pop out from nowhere. Belle is eating **nasi lemak **in her plastic container, Richard was eating her peanuts and showing Sloane the finger.

Artemis: SYDNEY, I HEARD THAT!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU CRITISIZE MY IDOL, EINSTEIN!!!!!!! FYI, VAUGHN IS AN INSANE CRAZY LUNATIC DUMBAS PYSCHOTIC LUNATIC NUTCASE!!!!!!!! SO THERE!!!!!!

Vaughn (stops crying): Hey, did someone call my name? Wait, my name isn't Vaughn. It's actually… umm… Andrew… err… Hang on, nobody tell me this. I got it, I got it. It's uh… Andrew… Andrea. (Screws face in concentration).

Artemis: See, I told you so. Which dumbo doesn't know how to pronounce his name?

Jack: How dare you marry my daughter if you can't even pronounce her name!?!?!?!?!? (Starts strangling him)

Sydney pushes Artemis into the river, frightening the sheep badly, and starts cat fighting with her.

Richard: Oh, you can't come to school today because you have allergic rhinitis, but you can cat fight with Sydney.

Sloane (Starts sniffing the air): Hey, what's that nice smell?

Richard: It's nasi lemak, you bozo. How could you steal my dear darling Sark away from me?

Sark: Sloane is my one true love!

Sark proceeds to French kiss Sloane. Nadia covers her eyes in shock, Belle chokes on her nasi lemak, Richard starts hyper-ventilating, Sydney is still cat fighting with Artemis, and Jack is still strangling Vaughn. "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate starts to play in the background. Sloane pushes Sark away and walks towards Belle.

Sloane: Belle, may I have your food?

Belle: Ha! Yeah, right.

Sloane: I'll pay, you know! Name your price.

Belle: I want Tem Folton to appear right now and propose to me.

For no apparent reason, Folton appears and goes down on bent knee.

Folton: Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Oh, Belle. Will you marry me?

Belle (shrieks and her eyes turn to heart shapes): TEM FOLTON IS PROPOSING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! (She drops her container of nasi lemak. Sloane picks it up.)

Sloane: Even The Gods bless me.

Richard: Right…

Sloane takes out the packet of nasi lemak and looks at the plastic container as if it is the most precious thing on earth. He gives the packet of nasi lemak to Richard.

Sloane: I only want the plastic container.

Everyone: Huh?

Sloane collects the red liquid with the plastic container. He carefully pours the liquid into the river. Sydney and Artemis continue cat fighting without noticing anything. Sloane pushes the sheep into the river. They immediately expand and become huge living balls of fur. The Eye of Rambaldi appears on each sheep's forehead. A/N: For more information on the sheep, watch Kyou Karo Moah(?), or God(?) Save Our King, when Josak pushes the sheep into the sea.

Sloane: At last, after 30 years!

Nadia (asks him incredulously): That's all you ever wanted?

Sloane: Yup! Don't they look cute?

Richard: I told you he's lost it.

Nadia: You didn't want to become evil and take over the world?

Sloane (looks confused): I've always been a good boy!

Nadia runs to him and gives him a bear hug. They became friends. Everyone cheers. Richard immediately cuts short the celebration and pokes Sloane in the back.

Richard: Your nasi lemak.

Sloane takes a bite.

Sloane: Hey, this _is_ good.

Richard: Right. Now, can I just go home? I don't know how I got here in the first place. I still need to finish Mrs J's History homework, or she will kill me, you know.

In desperation, he drags Artemis, who was sneezing non-stop and having a bad-case of allergic rhinitis, and Belle, who was making some very sexual advancements towards Folton, towards the sheep. He ties them to three sheep, and Richard and Artemis float back to London, while Belle floats back to Malaysia.

Sloane: Wait! You haven't told me where to find such good nasi lemak.

Sloane rides on a sheep and follows Calamari to the nasi lemak stall. He felt in love with nasi lemak and had it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Nadia, being more sane, flew to Malaysia and lived with her father. She married Weiss, and became Neiss. Sydney married Vaughn and taught him how to pronounce his French name properly. Jack became head of the CIA. Sark died of a broken heart. Richard Mackenzie managed to open Mackenzie International, a large multi-national firm. Artemis managed to clone Einstein, and Belle married Tem Folton, and had 22 children. Everyone lived happily ever after.

-------------------------------------------------**END**--------------------------------------------------------------

**Nasi lemak: **Malaysian delicacy with coconut rice, curry, cucumber, eggs, peanuts and dried anchovies.


End file.
